memo to president gates

From an e-mail sent to (conceivably) students and faculty:

"On a completely separate matter, there seems to be a growing number of
rumors in the media and around campus that I am leaving Texas A&M to
become the new Director of National Intelligence (“Intelligence Czar”)
in Washington, D.C. To put the rumors to rest, I was indeed asked to
take the position, wrestled with perhaps the most difficult - and
close - decision of my life, and last week declined the position. I
was deeply honored to be asked and would have been honored to serve.
However, I decided to continue to serve at Texas A&M. In fact, last
week I agreed to the Board of Regents’ request that I remain as
President at least through summer 2008."

In other words- I just got a fat raise, I'm beloved by all the local power brokers, and I think I'd rather stick with a job where the worst that could happen to me would be having my house t.p.'d. Georgie Boy can find someone else to be his patsy.

Come on, how hard could it have been to turn that job down? 'Yes, I'd like the most high stress/low profile job imaginable. Yes, I'd like for my already-white hair to be naturally bleached further- hell, I want it to fall out all over my sweat-drenched pillow in the middle of the night as I attempt to sleep despite the ubiquitous night terrors. Yes, sign me up for a big fat heart attack. I will live on a diet of red meat and fear. You can hold the red meat, I'm actually not that hungry as my stomach is tied in knots. Yes, I'd prefer my sphincter to never open ever again.'

The following is a picture of Utah's ex-porn czar. I know that it's old news that she's been fired, but Dr. Gates, take a look at this mug:



Imagine how grizzled you'd be looking, fella.